Wonderland.

I'm losing myself. Looking back at how things were this time last year and the person I am now is almost like looking at the two alternate worlds of Alice's reality and her Wonderland. I'm not sure which is which.Some would say that the person I am now, the person I have become, is reality. This is who I am. I live my every day life and the way that I act and the decisions that I make define the person that I am in this moment, in this life.
But what if the person that I was is my reality? Am I really this person? I know that this is who I am now, but who's to say that this isn't just a phase in my life and the person that I was will be the person that I am again some day. I was that other person for 18 years. Yes, I changed in certain ways and did not stay the exact same, but my morals and beliefs and values were all pretty steady. I don't know this person that I am now. Where do the decisions that I make stem from? Why do I do what I do? I feel as though this person is just the version of myself going through the crazy trials of life.
At the moment I'm stuck in my Wonderland. I am lost and confused and can't seem to find a way out, I can't wake up from this dream. But I know that one day I will wake up. I will be changed, there's no going back to the person that I was completely, but I will also realize that I need to be my old self as well. I will learn from the experiences that I am going through. I will grow from them. We go through hard times in our life to grow. I don't believe that I am quite there yet. I still have bad decisions to make, crazy experiences to have, and many tears to cry. But I do realize that time for change is coming soon.

Right now, it just isn't time to leave my Wonderland.