So much strange stuff has been going on in my life lately. I feel as though I am losing control of everything around me and I just want something stable to hold on to.
My parents are selling my house.
It's not like they're moving across the country or even across the state, they're moving probably 30 minutes away from where we live now. But that's not the point.
I'm used to driving home from school and knowing exactly where I am going and exactly how to get there. I turn right on to Lake Forest and know that I will pass McKinney Boyd on my left, a seven eleven on my right, go past the stop sign, drive down the curving road with all the beautiful trees, see the Kroger that I used to walk to with my best friends on my left, and then turn left, right, right, left and be at my house. My cute one story small red house with the big red truck in the drive way. When I arrive here I know that Christian and Kristina are right down the street and remember all the times that we would walk to Winniford park. I see my old best friends house right next door and remember all the times I would walk over there and ask her if she wanted to come play outside. I see the kids playing in the street and remember when that used to be me and my parents had house limits that I couldn't pass. I remember walking my dogs down the road. I remember the times Tiffany would wait out front at 6 in the morning to pick me up for practice and I would make her wait every single day no matter how hard I tried to be on time.
And then I go inside and I remember when the room that is the guest room now used to be my room and Christian and I hung out there for the very first time and played the Series of Unfortunate Events board game. I remember playing Polly Pockets on the floor with Cierra. I remember having my hermit crabs and being afraid to even touch them because I thought they would pinch me. I remember moving rooms to the room that is currently mine and being so excited about the paint on the walls and my new furniture. I remember getting ready for MORP freshman year in there and having my room be such a mess and not wanting my date to see it. I remember having sleepovers with all of my friends in my room and telling them to be quiet because my room connects to my parents bathroom. I remember making the collage on my wall and being so thankful for all of my amazing friends. I remember falling asleep on the phone with boys I liked or my best friends during the late summer nights. My bathroom reminds me of the times that I would walk in and my dog was scared so he would hide between the wall and my toilet and just lay there and sleep. My living room reminds me of my surprise 16th birthday party where I made so many memories with so many good friends and those same friends helped me work through my first heart break. My kitchen reminds me of the times that Kristina would walk home with me after riding the bus home when school got out at 4:15 and we would make dinner and laugh and joke. It reminds me of every single night when I would feed my dogs and they would bark at each other and never shut up or eat until hours later. My dining room reminds me of getting ready for prom and my graduation party. My front entrance reminds me of all the times that I would be gone for so long and come home and just be so happy to be there. It reminds me of the first time I came home from college and the last time I came home from camp. The office reminds me of the days that I didn't have a laptop and my friends and I would sit on the computer and write stupid things on each other's MySpace about me's or I would waste my days in the summer taking stupid surveys and talking on the phone with Haleigh.
My house is not about location. It's about the memories. I grew up in that house. It's close to all of my friends and it holds so many good memories for me. I know that everything will be okay and that I will be able to build new memories in this new house and have an opportunity to grow, but I don't want to leave the past behind. I don't want to have to drive 30 minutes to go see Jessica or Tiffany or Christian or Kristina. I want to be able to walk to Cameron's house and see him when he gets back from his mission in a year. I want to know my route when driving back from school. I want to be able to explain every stain on the carpet and chip in the paint. I want to be sitting in my living room and have a flashback of a time that I was in that same spot that makes my heart clench with sadness because the moment is gone but laugh because I am so happy that it happened. I don't want someone new coming in to my room and my house and my life and covering up my old memories with their new ones. I just want at least one thing in my life to stay the same.
