The Best Things In Life Come Free To Us

I always tell people I'm all about second chances, but not third or fourth.

What. A. Hypocrite.

I've messed up so many times in my life. When am I gonna learn? Could this finally be the turning point? I hope so. There's nothing quite like the feeling of knowing that you've disappointed every single person around you. And not just by doing one thing, but by every single aspect of your life going down hill. And not only have I disappointed everyone else, I'm immensely disappointed in myself. I can't escape it.

Where should we begin? I guess let's start with school. Failure. Not literally, but I barely made it by. And not because I didn't understand the material. Because I'm lazy and naive. I'm actually a really smart person, the only one who could really vouch for me is my mom because she's had to deal with arguing with me her whole life, but I am. If I had applied myself this semester I would've made all A's and maybe a B. No doubt in my mind. That doesn't help anything of course. I did what I did and there's no going back. But why did I make these decisions? I can't say that it was the people I was surrounded by because they're all brilliant. Most are National Merit Scholars and one was even the Valedictorian of his high school. They all inspire me to do much better next semester, should I get the opportunity. I can't really say why I made the choices that I did. All I can say is that it won't happen again.

Now for my diabetes. What am I doing? I've lived with this for over 12 years. 12 years and I'm still making mistakes. It's really not that hard. Scratch that. Yes, it is hard. But so is being dead. I prefer the alternative. I want to live a long, happy life and if I keep taking care of myself the way that I do now, I can say goodbye to those dreams. I need to turn this around. I need to figure my life out.

I guess all I can hope is that this time I have truly learned my lesson. And I also hope I have the chance to prove it. Not just to my parents. But to myself. I really need this opportunity to show myself that if I actually try I really can achieve a lot. I can't escape my mistakes but I can learn from them. I can use them to power myself to be the absolute best I can be. I'm done going out and partying, hanging around until 3 a.m. when I should be studying, and sleeping all day instead of being productive and going to class. I know I said in my last post that it was time for a change. Well, I meant it. It's time for a change. I need to be a better person. I need to apply myself more, love people for who they are, but more than that, I need to make myself and my family proud again. I guess if there's anything I want you to take from this it's this:

Don't make the same mistakes I did. Work hard. It's worth so much more than playing hard. And if you do happen to make a mistake, don't wait until the last possible second to fix it. Be honest with the ones who are there to help you. Whether that's your parents, your grandparents, your best friend. Whoever it is, utilize them. You have people in your life who care and want the best for you. You just have to make sure you want the best for yourself. Work hard. Love hard. Play later.